Dec 28th

Today I did things around the house. I am not feeling great, I woke up with a frog in my throat and congested, but better than I expected. I like that energen c stuff, tastes a lot better than airborne. I ate some food today, chicken noodle soup. I ran to the store to be a few items to make waffles for when my wife returns. I cleaned up and folded laundry that has been sitting In the dryer. I took a nap, woke up tried to figure out the computer and tv setup, it seems to be the tv, but ill keep trying to figure it out. Decided to cross off a few items on my to do list. I made waffles and stuck them in the freezer for my wife and mother in law. I did that until I was tired and decided to go to bed, but as I looked at my list I saw that so far I have only only one thing crossed off. So decided to make laundry soap cause they were out.
As I was making waffles, I was watching a show about a detective who lost his wife. I stopped watching the show because it was making me emotional. It was making me think about losing her and my son. Fear set in, and all I could think about was losing them. Living in fear guilt and loneliness is the worst punishment. Feeling like there is nothing I can do at the moment to correct and change is just as bad. I take solace in these menial chores for my family. It provides me something to do to feel like I am progressing towards them and showing them how much I love them. It gives me the opportunity to express my desire and dedication to return to them. I will do what menial task and whatever great obstacle and trial to return to them. They mean the world to me and I don't want them to ever forget it. They are not just the love of my life. They are my life.
I have to remember that all the prayers I offer, time staying the scriptures, asking for forgiveness and change of heart draws me closer to God but also them. When I resist the adversary's offering and buffetings, and struggle to overcome the thoughts and feelings, I am proving my character to myself, God and my family. It is hard for them to see that part. But I am fighting a terrible battle within. Trying to always push those thoughts and feelings away and replace them with wholesome uplifting and inspiring thoughts and feelings. I am truly grateful to my beautiful wife who seems to always send pictures, texts or calls during those moments of need. I look and relook at those pictures more than I could ever count. Each day they inspire and fill my soul with hope, desire and motivation of where I want to be. I am grateful that she takes the time to do those things for me. She is truly the biggest blessing in my life, and I will ever show her how grateful I am for her.
I am going to read some parts of that 5 languages of love book. She suggested it, I want her to feel my love for her. I want her to never forget or doubt my feelings and devotion for her and our family.
I love my Savior. I love my wife. I love my son. 2/4ever