Dec 24th

Christmas Eve. I have spent the day between two households. I will be staying with my bishop and his family for the next few days. I didn't sleep a whole lot last night, but this morning my wife called me and it was the best morning I have had in a long I spent the day cleaning and grooming a dog for the people i was staying with. There is a notable difference between the two families. Maybe is is just because the Bishop still has kids in his house, but it is chaotic and busy here. It is hard for me to see. I am reminded that this is a household that I have always dreamed of. A house with a bunch of kids. Here am I a new father with a kid at home, and I can't be there. I am not sure if I will be able to have a household like this. I want this and have always wanted this. But with one kid I could not do it. Why? Why me? I had tried so hard to be a good father, but why can't I? Why can't I have that blessing I being a father?
I need to stop thinking like this. I know that I am a good man with righteous desires. Isn't raising a family a righteous desire? I have to look and hope that this is God preparing me to fulfill the measure of my creation. He is giving me the opportunity to change and prepare myself to raise a righteous family. The refiners fire so that I can be the father and husband I want to be. So that I can raise and nurture my children. I have to have that hope and desire. I just have to remember that this hell I am going through is to prepare me whatever God has in store for me and my family.
Here at my bishops house we acted out the nativity scene with the kids. We never did that in my house growing up because we didn't not have many kids, I would love to be able to do that one day. I want to be the righteous and loving father of my family. I want to be able to provide for my family so that my wife can stay home with the kids if she wants to. Right now I am learning how to be a better father and husband. My capacities and love are widening and depending. I am being prepared for that future.
Right now I am feeling so peaceful, something I have not felt Ina long time. It is discernible welcoming peace. Something I have been wanting and searching for. I feel strongly that what I have been writing is truth, God is preparing me to be a father and husband of a larger family. Not a new family, but the family I have. I feel peaceful with this. I feel that god is telling me the future is going to be okay and I will get through this. I do not want this feeling to leave. I feel hopeful. I feel the spirit. I know that everything is going to be okay. I know I am on the right path. I know that my desires are right and if I continue I will have the future I want. I feel the spirit! I do not want this to leave, I feel so hopeful and full of faith and love and comfort. Dan do not forget this moment. Do not forget how you feel and the witness' you are receiving. Remember that God is telling you that everything is going to be okay, after you learn from this trial. You will have your family again, you are being prepared to be the husband and father so that I can have the family I want. I am being changed. Do not forget this moment or witness.

I am going to end with this, I feel so peaceful about my family. I know that I will be with them again and I will be the father and husband I need to be and want to be! I love my Savior. I love my wife. I love my son. 2/4ever Merry Christmas!



Thoughts during nativity. People before the birth of Christ had to ave faith in some babe who was to be born someday I the future. If someone today tried to tell me to believe in someone who was going to be born some day in the future, unwieldy call them crazy. What faith they must of had!today we have our Savior's words to read and study as proof that he is the son of God. Maybe that is why the New Testament there were so many miracles, they had faith or needed to be shown great and wondrous things to have faith and believe. I also thought about how that day, hope had finally come. His birth here in earth have all mankind hope, He had come to save us from our sins. The son of God had come to give us hope! Right now I am filled with hope, hope that is only here because He was born. I have hope that I can change and be forgiven. I have hope that I can be with my family again here on earth and for the eternities to come. I have hope because of Him. I have a family because of Him. I love and grateful for my Savior!