Dec 13th

Today I got some errands taken care of. The Jeep is registered in Texas. I ordered contact lenses. I have two left. The ones in my eyes. They are pretty beaten up, chunks are missing out of them. I was going to do laundry but I did not get to it, I will have time tomorrow. I have been looking for a job. I will start applying and updating a resume tomorrow. I thought about my son and wife all day. I went to Barnes and Noble and read the book Rick Harrison(Pawn Stars) wrote. He and his family have led an interesting life. I finished the book while I was there. I am very grateful that my mom had me reading and learning to like it at an early age. I enjoy reading and I am good at it. I sure with the time away from my family I will be doing something to change and return to them, school, work, or be reading. It helps pass the time during the day. I have to take it one day at a time, and by reading I learn something new and how to better myself and my choices. I also went to find the geminids annual meteor shower. I only saw a few cause I did not want to drive out of town, but next year I plan on taking my family to see it.
Today I read in Alma 28. It concerns up to the point the bloodiest war the Nephites and Lamanites has ever seen. They buried a lot of people. At the end of the chapter, verse 13,14.

13 And thus we see how great the ^ainequality of man is because of sin and ^btransgression, and the power of the devil, which comes by the cunning ^cplans which he hath devised to ensnare the hearts of men.

 14 And thus we see the great call of ^adiligence of men to labor in the vineyards of the Lord; and thus we see the great reason of sorrow, and also of rejoicing—sorrow because of death and destruction among men, and joy because of the ^blight of Christ unto life.

These verses had me thinking about "inequality of man because of sin and transgression". What a difference sin can cause to a man's life. It can literally turn it on its head. My life would be very different if it were not for  sin and getting ensnared in the adversary's cunning plans. I have read many times about how the adversary lies in wait and sets traps for us(2ne9:28). I have never been "caught in one". I was not expecting this. I was going about my life thinking what I great life I had. I have a beautiful devoted wife with whom I spend almost every free minute with. We have grand adventures and love each others company. We are financially stable, there was always more that we could of done to be better prepared but we lived comfortably. I was in school, studying to become a Nurse Practitioner. I loved learning how the body works and how to fix it. We just had our first child, a benjamin. The holidays were full of plans to show him off to our families for the first time. Life was amazing. I could hardly ask for more. I felt so blessed. The only thing that would make it better is if we lived in St. George. Then all the sudden, I fell into a trap.I had become complacent on the path through life. I became miserable. I fell. I fell from my high outlook on life, right into misery. I was ripped from everything I love. I am alone. I feel helpless and hopeless. I look back on what I had and wish I was still there. I had everything I wanted. How did it come to this?

Boy scouts and survival techniques have taught me how snares work. The animal is trodding along, then all of the sudden, a seemingly invisible force has them struggling for life. If set properly there is no escape. The more the animal struggles, the faster death comes. 

I am grateful for the knowledge that this trap has an escape. That this is not the end. There is someone who can free me from this entrapment. The adversary does not have the power to keep my soul if I seek help. If I  beg for mercy and help, it can come. I have to sincerely repent and change. The atoning power of Christ can free me. Not only free me but render my weaknesses into strengths. Not only strengthen and change my soul but heal the wounds from sin. The atonement does not only heal but it can help me prevent this from ever happening again. He can save me. He can lighten my burden. He can forgive me. The atonement is real. I experienced it in my life. But I have never experienced it for something of this magnitude. I have never felt this amount of pain, suffering, guilt, misery and worthlessness ever in my life. I have never had to exercise this much faith in repentance in the atonement. At times it feels impossible that I can receive the blessings of the atonement. How does it cover something so heinous? How am I worthy of such a blessing? How can He still love me? How can become clean again? I do not have a perfect knowledge that I will benefit from the atonement. I have hope. I want to regain what I had. I want to be able to be with my wife and son again forever and ever. I want to be better person. I do not want this situation to define me. I want be cleansed from this sin. I want be a righteous person before the Lord. I want to be a righteous husband and father. I want them to be able to trust me again. I want to trust myself and feel that I am a good person again. I do not want to feel worthless and as the scum of the earth. I must have faith that Christ is MY savior. That He still loves me. That He is concerned about the welfare of my soul. That He really died and suffered for my sins. That He came to earth to redeem my soul. He overcame sin and death to redeem me. I must have faith and hope to repent. I must do my effort to change and seek restitution. And after all that I can do, by His grace and love He will make up the difference. The atonement of Christ is my hope. It is the only way back to my family. I must exercise my faith as never before in Him. As the scripture above continues, I must continue to become a man of diligence in the vineyard of the Lord, then I will find "joy because of the light of chirst unto life." I love my Savior. I love my wife. I love my son. 2/4ever