Jan 31st

This post is about Jan 28th

Just starting to write makes my emotion to wild. The pit in my stomach that I have grows to sickening depths. Guilt and fear consume and torture my soul.
My lawyer called today, saying that unbeknownst to her or the new DA, a warrant has been issued. I was preparing my class for the day, and she told me to go and turn myself in. I had a 75,000 dollar bond placed on me. I could arrange with a bondsmen and hopefully be released same day, but I was told to expect the worst and don't talk to anyone about why I was there. It felt as judgment day had come. I cannot express the emotions and impending doom I felt. I was genuinely scared. I still am genuinely scared. I called my dad with a name of a bondsmen my lawyer recommended. I lost was lost with fear and anxiety. I was not prepared for the sudden looming unknown territory of the other side of the law. After I called my dad I called my wife. I wasn't sure when I would be able to speak to her again. The thought of leaving my son and wife is unbearable. True hell. I got dressed up in dockers and and a button up shirt.
I arrange my items here at the home I am staying so they all were in one place for easy pick up if I did not return. I made my way down stairs to tell the person who I was staying with about what is happening. She is an amazing person, God truly placed me here so she could help me through this. She offered to come down with me and help me make bail, she even offered to pay it. She told me that we is familiar with the process and had done it before. She even had a family friend who was a bail bondsmen and would help us out. I called my dad and told him to cancel who Amy referred us to because K had a personal family friend.
I called my wife again and it was so hard to hang up with her. I can't bear the thought of leaving my wife and son, it torments my very being.
We drove to the bondsmen, and introduced myself, and he already knew my name. He had just gotten off the phone with my father, turns out it was the same guy my lawyer referred me to, and was the family friend of K. God is in details of our lives.
He said he would speed up the process and explain a little more what was going to happen. He said you never know what is going on in there and if someone is having a bad day or leaves their desk I could be in there for awhile. Especially the nature of the charge is one of the most despicable there is, especially on paper. They could refuse bail just to teach a lesson. This was never the crowd I was ever around, the last place I ever suspected to find myself. K and I talked as I drove, I was fighting so hard my emotions thinking about my wife and son, how my life is changing. I had to grasp the thought that this is a necessary step to being with my family again. K and I went inside the bail entrance, buzzed through and said I was turning myself in. There were a few other people in the waiting room, mostly waiting for people to get on bail. K chatted with them, talking about their tattoos and how she is getting one and such. They told me they were waiting for the warrants to come through, but we were told by the bail bondsmen that he already called and they said they already had them. We called him and asked about it, he called them to see what was the hold up. The sheriff came and got me after about an hour of waiting. The moment the door closed behind us, my freedom was gone. I was completely at their mercy. I never had my freedom taken away to such an astonishing degree before. I understand better why millions of men have fought and died for freedom. Freedom and liberty are concepts I better understand in relation to life, politics and the plan of salvation. The officer did a full body search. He missed my wallet, which I realized further in he process. We went through another set of double doors with intercoms. He took me to this desk and took down my information . One thing I thought strange was no personal ID or photo identification was needed. Maybe they already had it but, but what would stop someone from paying an individual to go to jail for them? After the series of questions, I was told to go through a series of other locked doors and corridors, past the rows of holding cells with small window the size of a dinner plate to where, a room with a few rows of benches and cells along the walls where. There were about 20-25 people in there already. There were some pay phones and everyone watched as I found a seat among them. No one really talked, there was a small tv on mute with a show that seemed similar to Jerry springer format. On the far side of the room was a desk with an officer Doug paperwork, the fingerprinting machine and a window to where a nurse sat waiting if anyone needed medical attention. After about 2 hours of waiting I was called to take a mug shot and fingerprinting. The officer was asking why I was in there and what the charge was, I politely said " a mistake". He asked again and I said " I prefer not discuss it" asked if I arranged bail. Then back to my seat. The person right after me, the fingerprint machine broke down and would not restart. God is in. The details of our lives. They served a dinner of sorts, I wasnt going to eat it but the guy next to me gladly accepted my meal. I had to use the restroom, its exactly a metal bucket toilet in a closet. It was some vegetables some sort of meat and two pieces of bread. I went to the desk with the officer signed some paperwork, and he said it won't be too long. I waited for another hour and five of us was called to go to another room. This room thorough I could see the bail bondsmen whom I met earlier and knew the I was making bail. The officer was training someone new and it took longer than it should of been. But how glad was I to walk out that door and see the sun again. It's a feeling/experience I NEVER want to experience again. I wasnt as worried about as i was about my wife and son. More tomorrow