How do I feel today? Mixed. Emotion and logic collided. Emotion is overruling. Today a deadline of sorts was given. I struggle between selfish and logical solutions. It tears at my heart thinking about it. I have a hard writing about his right now, so many feelings and thoughts. I don't want to lose my family. I feel alone now, what will it be like then? But will it be a better situation for my wife and son?
I think the biggest resistance is not ever being able to see my son and wife. Right now I can see my wife for counseling and parenting classes. And I hope to be able to see my son for supervised visits ASAP. And with the move I have none of that until this is all over, and I do not know how long that is. It just breaks my soul thinking I will not be able to see them. But I want my son and wife to have the best. I want my son to be taken care of by a family member. I want my wife and son to be happy. I don't have the answers right now. Wish I did. Wish there was a easy simple solution, maybe there is but I don't know it. I love my family with all my heart and soul. I want to spend every moment with them. If it is here or elsewhere, I am fighting to strengthen and keep my family together. This is the hardest thing I have ever done, but I will kill myself by doing everything and anything to strengthen and keep our family together. I love them sooo much that I cannot describe or explain. I love my Savior. I love my wife. I love my son. 2/4ever
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